HOW TO LOVE AGAIN IN A LOVELESS RELATIONSHIP

 


HOW TO OVERCOME  A LOVELESS RELATIONSHIP

“Let brotherly love continue” Heb.13¹

 What Is Love? Simply put love could be described as kind actions. It exists in two variants  (1)Eros’ which is love due to attributes such as looks; intellects; in which case you may love an individual because such a person(s) possesses certain physical features you cherish so much, or because he or she is very intelligent. This is the kind of love we have for our friends.

This kind of love has it’s limitation in that as soon as there appears to be a distortion of the features we cherish, there automatically seem to be a reduction to our devotion or love to such individuals. That is why as soon as most women loose their physical beauty attributes such as skin colour, weight, the so-called “figure eight” due to an ailment or child birth, their partners tend to seek for love from someone else. As soon as boyfriend runs in to financial difficulty girlfriends love for boyfriend disappears. This love has no commitment to it , it is self centered and exploitative, that’s why there are so many broken hearts in the world today , may your heart be healed in Jesus  name .

The second kind of love is the Agape love: this kind is unconditional and is based on commitment. It is the highest form of love. Agape removes fear especially the fear of divorce or rejection. Agape gives one a sense of assurance and removes shame. Agape gives the lover and the loved boldness to face whatever challenge life may throw at them.

This Kind of love can only be expressed by and through Christ Jesus. “God is love, and all who live in love live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid… 1 Jn. 4:17.

HOW DO WE IDENTIFY AGAPE IN A MAN: The bible gives us fifteen behavioral characteristics of such an individual. 1Cor. 13:4 -7 It describes such a person as being patient and kind: Having the quality of being able calmly to endure suffering, toil, delay, vexation, or any similar condition; sufferance, and being disposed to doing good to others; benevolent; helpful; agreeable.

Agape love Does Not Envy: This means, there is no feeling of discontent at the good looks, quality, fortune, etc of another, Does Not boast: He /she does not brag of speak proudly or confidently to justify himself/herself.

Is Not Proud: He/she does not have excessive self-esteem; arrogance: isn’t haughty, or has a proper sense of self –respect; is exultantly aware of the credit due to or reflected on oneself, is not untamable; fearless; swelling, sexually excited or promiscuous .

Agape Is Not Rude He/she is not, uncultured; unskilled; discourteously unmannerly; coarse; vulgar; harsh; crude; undeveloped, unwrought; rugged; rough; roughly or unskillfully fashioned; violent; robust.

Agape Is Not Self-seeking He/She is not the kind of person who looks mainly to his or her own interest or advantage.

Agape Is Not Easily Angered He/She does not show a hot displeasure provoked by some action, incident, situation, etc, often involving hostility and a desire form retaliation, wrath; affliction.

Keeps No Record Of Wrongs: He/She does not set down in writing or other permanent form information on incorrect; erroneous; morally unacceptable; immoral, wicked, sinful, acts that where meted against them.

Does Not Delight In Evil : He/She does not rejoice when disaster or misfortune befalls anyone. “Do not rejoice when your enemies fall into trouble. Don’t be happy when they stumble” Prov. 24: 17

Rejoices with the Truth : He/She celebrates when truth prevails.

Always protects: He/She acts as a shield from danger, inquiry, change, capture or loss. Defends and strengthens those he/she loves always.

Agape Always Trusts: He/She always has a confident expectation on those he/she loves; he/she rests on their integrity, friendship, faith; hope.

Love Always Hopes : This means to always cherish the desire (that something good will happen), with some expectation of success or fulfillment; it also means to always have confidence or be hopeful with belief in the possibility of fulfillment. Agape always desires for something good, with a certain expectation of obtaining it, with confidence and anticipation.

Agape Always Perseveres: This is the continuous act or state of persevering and continuously applying to anything which one has begun persistently, despite setbacks.

Agape Love Never Fails: Whenever agape is in operation in any relationship, there would never be any room for failure. Any marriage born out of agape love will stand the test of time.

Married couples are expected to have both ‘eros’ and Agape love for each other.

Love is kind actions, therefore if we choose to be kind and helpful, we have chosen to love. If a man is not loving his wife, it is not because there is no love but because he has not chosen to do actions of love for her.

THE FEELING OF LOVE: The feeling of love is not the same thing as love. The feeling of love is just a feeling our feelings towards each other changes due to cultural biological and physiological, religious factors.

Love blues: Immediately after the wedding and subsequently the sexual union, for most couple the feeling of love starts to nose dive. Regrets, depression sets in.

Remember, God has not commanded us to have a certain feeling. Love is not just a feeling .He has commanded us to love. Love means choosing to serve my partner even when I don’t feel like it.

Remember, God proffers a  two-fold solution to this kind of situation.

1.       Love as commanded: So love even if your feeling of love has disappeared, love your marriage partner, child, brother, sister, etc. in Christ. Love him/her with kind actions. Be careful to be helpful, polite, generous, faithful and self – giving.

2.       The Promise of love: As you continue the loving actions, sooner or later your feeling of love will return. Yes, you don’t need to stay together, for the rest of your lives without any feeling of love. That wonderful feeling of love can return. It will return as you continue choosing loving actions, of course, the feeling of love is just a feeling. You won’t have it everyday. It will come and go.

         

          But don’t worry, if you choose to love in action, the feeling of love will never stay away for long.

          HOW DOES IT WORK?

          First we do, then, we feel!

          Love is action. It is the action of being gentle, thoughtful, patience, etc you can choose to love. The feeling of love is just a feeling. Therefore, it comes and goes. If you stop choosing to love in action, your feeling of love will begin to disappear.

          If your feeling of love disappears, bring it back. How? Choose to love in action!

 Start by praying to God to heal your heart from the hurt you have suffered and ask God to touch the heart of you partner and fill your hearts with fresh love for one another. May God heal your heart in Jesus name. 

for counseling phone +2348098536911 BB PIN 29DB98C6 email; michaelbenson3000@yahoo.com

THE IMPLICATION OF THE LEGALISATION OF SAME SEX ON A SOCIETY

THE IMPLICATION OF THE LEGALISATION OF SAME SEX ON A SOCIETY
The holy scriptures is very clear on God's position on this issue. Wether we argue against it or not the fact still remians that we are already faced with the implications of spitting on God's face with a presidential fiat.
This is an excerpt of my contribution to the growing debate on this issue on Yahoo forum on President Barack Obama's comment on this issue. Every gay sholud be given their constitutional right just as drug dealers and rapist, but when it comes to the legitimization of that which against the law of conscience , that's another kettle of fish with a putrid smell.   

This scripture tells us what the implications are when we piblicly spit on God's face .
Rom 1:26-28
26 Worse followed. Refusing to know God, they soon didn't know how to be human either — women didn't know how to be women, men didn't know how to be men.
27 Sexually confused, they abused and defiled one another, women with women, men with men — all lust, no love. And then they paid for it, oh, how they paid for it — emptied of God and love, godless and loveless wretches.
28 Since they didn't bother to acknowledge God, God quit bothering them and let them run loose.
THE IMPLICATIONS INCLUDE:
Ro 1:29-31
And then all hell broke loose: rampant evil, grabbing and grasping, vicious backstabbing. They made life hell on earth with their envy, wanton killing, bickering, and cheating. Look at them: mean-spirited, venomous,
30 fork-tongued God-bashers. Bullies, swaggerers, insufferable windbags! They keep inventing new ways of wrecking lives. They ditch their parents when they get in the way.
31 Stupid, slimy, cruel, cold-blooded.
God have mercy on America and save the children from serial killers and from the gates of hell. 

It has been proven time without number that when a society turns it's back against the natural law of consciense it pays for it through it's social infractructure . no matter how modern man is the human conscience which is the citadel of truth can only be silenced but not killed. when legalism is based on popularity and convenience society will soon loose the moral fabric to administer justice because by then right is now wrong and wrong is now right. the mass killing of children now becomes an acceptable norm as it is now seen as an expression of the killers' fundamental rights for freedom of expression..
the impact on the American economy is not far fetched as most developing nations are tilting to china as a substitute where business is done with a fair sense of moralty. African and middle eastern countries are investing in chinese technology with africans learning to speak chinese all in a bid of maintaining culture and custom that has susutained the balance in humanity- the natural marriage institution consisting of the man and woman.
For those who are not yet clear on God's position on this issue :Isa 5:20-25
20 Doom to you who call evil good and good evil, Who put darkness in place of light and light in place of darkness, Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!
21 Doom to you who think you're so smart, who hold such a high opinion of yourselves!
22 All you're good at is drinking — champion boozers who collect trophies from drinking bouts
23 And then line your pockets with bribes from the guilty while you violate the rights of the innocent.
24 But they won't get by with it. As fire eats stubble and dry grass goes up in smoke, Their souls will atrophy, their achievements crumble into dust, Because they said no to the revelation of God-of-the-Angel-Armies, Would have nothing to do with The Holy of Israel.
25 That's why God flamed out in anger against his people, reached out and knocked them down. The mountains trembled as their dead bodies piled up in the streets. But even after that, he was still angry, his fist still raised, ready to hit them again.
God have mercy on America.
.

21 DAYS OF HONOUR [ FASTING AND PRAYER] WK 2/3

Week 2

OVERTURN EVIL GOVERNMENTS AND DIABOLIC DECREES.

Text : Eze 21:25-27

 It's "punishment payday."

26 God says, Take your royal crown off your head. No more "business as usual." The underdog will be promoted and the top dog will be demoted.

27 Ruins, ruins, ruins! I'll turn the whole place into ruins. And ruins it will remain until the one comes who has a right to it. Then I'll give it to him.'

 Dear lord overturn every evil government in my domain and enthrone righteous leadership in

A] our lives/ families/ churches/ communities/ nation

B] grant us security and frustrate the enterprise of the unrepentant wicked . job 5:11-13

WEEK 3

RELEASE OF POWER FOR SUPERNATURAL PROSPERITY AND CREATIVITY 3 jn1:2, Deut 8:18. Pr 8:12

 I wisdom dwell with prudence, and find out knowledge of witty inventions.

KJV

Dear lord we receive of you grace for supernatural prosperity in our:

1] finances Neh 2:20, psalm 112:3

2] science and technology Da 1:4

3] academics  2 chr1:10

4] marriages  1 cor 7:9

5 ] health Isaiah 53:5

21 days of honour [ fasting & prayer ]

FASTING AND PRAYER [ 21 days OF HONOUR]  – PRAYER POINTS

Skip a meal or two according to your preference/ ability

WEEK 1 : RECONCILIATION/CONSECRATION / REBUILDING THE BROKEN ALTER 1 Kings 18:30

Dear lord activate in me grace for a glorious love walk in my :TEXT matt5:44-48, Ro 13:10, 1 jn 4;7-8

A] immediate / extended family iIsaiah 58:7

B] Church of Christ  Ga6:10

C] wisdom for excellent living prov 4:7-27

D]purity / holiness/ faithfulness consciousness as a lifestyle.2cor 6:6. 1Ti 4:12, 1 pe 1:16. 2 pe3:11

E] unquenchable fire/hunger for preaching the gospel. Worship, discipleship, fellowship, service 1thes 5:19, Ro 12:1, 2 Ti 4:2

REWARD FOR FASTING; ISAIAH 58: Isa 58:8-12

8 Do this and the lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once. Your righteousness will pave your way. The God of glory will secure your passage.

9 Then when you pray, God will answer. You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.' A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places "If you get rid of unfair practices, quit blaming victims, quit gossiping about other people's sins,

10 If you are generous with the hungry and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out, Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness, your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.

11 I will always show you where to go. I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places —  firm muscles, strong bones. You'll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry.

12 You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again.

TIPS ON FASTING AND PRAYERS 1

Why You Should Fast  

 Mk 9:29
 He replied, "This kind can come out only by prayer.
NIV
 there are situations and life circumstance that can only be overcome through a faith "experience" born out of fasting, in the above mentioned case a boy was healed from a demon influenced sickness.

If you do not already know of the power and importance of fasting, here are some very important facts:

• Fasting was an expected discipline in both the Old and New Testament eras. For example, Moses fasted at least two recorded forty-day periods. Jesus fasted 40 days and reminded His followers to fast, "when you fast," not if you fast.
• Fasting and prayer can restore the loss of the "first love" for your Lord and result in a more intimate relationship with Christ.
• Fasting is a biblical way to truly humble yourself in the sight of God (Psalm 35:13; Ezra 8:21). King David said, "I humble myself through fasting."
• Fasting enables the Holy Spirit to reveal your true spiritual condition, resulting in brokenness, repentance, and a transformed life.
• The Holy Spirit will quicken the Word of God in your heart and His truth will become more meaningful to you!
• Fasting can transform your prayer life into a richer and more personal experience.
• Fasting can result in a dynamic personal revival in your own life-and make you a channel of revival to others.
• Fasting and prayer are the only disciplines that fulfill the requirements of II Chronicles 7:14:

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

If you fast, you will find yourself being humbled as I did. You will discover more time to pray and seek God's face. And as He leads you to recognize and repent of unconfessed sin, you will experience special blessings from God.

How to Fast As a Christian

Fasting is a sacred time in which Christians abstain from food, or other pleasures, and take the time to focus on God. If you are interested in focusing your life around God, while feeding the poor, deepening your faith .

Before the Fast

1. 1

Determine the reasons of your choice to fast. This may be repentance of sin, deepening your personal relationship with Him, asking for His strength or wisdom, etc.

2. 2

Hold the right motives. Note that fasting as a Christian means to humble thyself before Him. It is a way to Glorify our Lord. Keep these aspects in mind while you fast. Try to hold off any other reasons for fasting such as weight loss, etc. Center it around Jesus.

3. 3

Pray before your fast. Pray, confessing every one of your sins, and inviting the Holy Spirit to lead your life. Let Jesus know you wish to know Him personally. Acknowledge that He has died on the cross for our sins and rose 3 days later, freeing us from condemnation, and giving us His free gift of eternal life. Ask forgiveness from everyone you have hurt; ask forgiveness from God. Forgive those who have hurt you.

4. 4

Meditate on the Gospel, and on the Holy traits of our Lord. These may include the ability to forgive, His strength or wisdom, His peace, the capacity to love unconditionally, etc. Praise Him for these attributes! Surrender your life and thank Him for all He has done for you!

5. 5

Determine the length of your fasting experience, whether this is for 1 meal, 1 day, 3 days or a week (Jesus and Moses fasted for a period of 40 days, but that is no sign that anyone else might do that). You may wish to try a shorter fast, and start slowly at first, if you have not previously fasted.

6. 6

Note the type of fast you are being called to. You may feel that Holy Spirit calls you to a specific type of fast. A partial fast may mean giving up only certain types of foods. Juice fasts remove the pleasure of chewing any type of solid food, yet fruit and vegetable juices are permitted.

7. 7

Drink enough water to support life, since it is not a food, observing this Absolute Caution: In an absolute fast one abstains from solid and liquid "foods" -- for example, fruit juices are foods -- but, water is essential for life, as one may go into a foggy mental state, then coma and die after a mere 4 or 5 days of dehydration.

During the Fast

1. 1

Hold morning worship. Worship Him and praise Him for His attributes. Read God’s Word, and meditate that God will lend you His Wisdom, so that you input His Word into your life, and gain a full understanding of it. Pray for God’s Will to be done, and for the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Ask God to lead you in spreading His Glory into the world we live in.

2. 2

Go for a prayer walk. Walk outside, hand in hand with nature, while noticing God’s wondrous creation. Thank Him for everything He has created as you walk. Ask Him to give thee a spirit of thanksgiving and appreciation.

3. 3

Pray for the welfare of others. Pray that church leaders will preach His Word as God intended, that your friends and family members will grow closer to Him or accept Him into their lives; pray for government leaders to come to Him and ask Him for His Will.