EFFECTIVE WAYS HUSBANDS AND WIVES CAN RESTART HEALTHY COMMUNICATION AFTER A BREAK

 

Doors are being opened for you in high places because of the anointing of God's favour upon you.

Good -Life Devotional: MORE EFFECTIVE WAYS HUSBANDS AND WIVES CAN RESTART HEALTHY COMMUNICATION AFTER A BREAK

Proverbs 22:11 'He that loveth pureness of heart, for the grace of his lips the king shall be his friend. 

Good and effective communication skills in relationships opens doors in high places . Here are more was a husband and wife can restart healthy communication after a break up. 

5. REAFFIRM COMMITMENT

One major fear after a break is uncertainty about the future. Reassure your spouse of your commitment to the covenant. Hosea said to Gomer, “You must dwell with me many days.” (Hosea 3:3) This showed he wasn’t giving up.

PRACTICAL STEP: Say things like, “I’m committed to working this out because our marriage is worth it.” These words bring security.

6. SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES FOR HEALING

Rebuilding trust requires boundaries. This may include transparency with phones, limiting toxic friendships, or scheduling time together. Amos 3:3 asks, “Can two walk together except they agree?” Boundaries create agreement and safety.

Example: After infidelity, a couple agreed to share passwords and avoid private communication with the opposite sex. These measures restored trust over time.

7. LISTEN ACTIVELY

James 1:19 instructs, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak.” Many conflicts persist because spouses listen to reply, not to understand. Put away your phone, maintain eye contact, and reflect back what you hear.

Example: When Amaka returned home, her husband listened without interrupting for 30 minutes. That single act melted her defenses and opened her heart to reconciliation.

8. USE EDIFYING WORDS DAILY

Proverbs 16:24 says, “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” Compliment each other often. Say thank you for small acts. Speak life into your spouse’s dreams.

Example: After years of harsh words, one husband started leaving notes saying, “I appreciate you.” Within months, their home environment changed dramatically.

9. SEEK WISE COUNSEL IF NECESSARY

Sometimes, you need help. Pride often stops couples from getting counseling, but Proverbs 11:14 says, “In the multitude of counselors there is safety.” A godly counselor can offer perspective and accountability.

Example: A Christian couple struggling to reconnect after separation attended marriage counseling at their church. With guidance and prayer, they rebuilt their communication and trust.

10. REBUILD INTIMACY GRADUALLY

Emotional and spiritual intimacy must precede physical intimacy. Hosea didn’t rush into physical union with Gomer; he focused on restoring her heart first (Hosea 3:3). Take time to talk, pray, and laugh together before resuming full intimacy.

Example: A couple agreed to have monthly date nights with no arguments—just connection and fun. This gradually restored affection and desire.

WHY THIS MATTERS

Marriage reflects Christ’s relationship with the Church. If Christ reconciled us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8), then we, too, can extend grace. Reconciliation glorifies God and strengthens families.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Communication is the lifeline of marriage. After a break, starting again requires humility, forgiveness, and intentional effort. You are not alone—God is the ultimate restorer. Remember His promise in Joel 2:25: “I will restore to you the years that the locust has eaten.”

PRAYER FOR RECONCILIATION 

Heavenly Father forgive me of my sins against you I believe Jesus Christ died and was raised again for my salvation I receive him as lord and saviour and receive the Holy Spirit and power to heal the broken hearted 

Heavenly Father, thank You for being the God of restoration. Heal our hearts from hurt, remove pride, and help us to speak with love and grace. Teach us to forgive as You forgave us. May our home be filled with peace and understanding. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

+2348035536911 email michaelbensonajayi@gmail.com

WAYS HUSBANDS AND WIVES CAN RESTART HEALTHY COMMUNICATION AFTER A BREAK

 Difficult and complicated problems shall dissolve at your presence because of the anointing of God's favour upon you.

Good -Life Devotional: 

WAYS HUSBANDS AND WIVES CAN RESTART HEALTHY COMMUNICATION AFTER A BREAK

By Rev Michael Benson Ajayi 

"All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation." (2 Corinthians 5:18, AMP)

   Marriage is a divine covenant, not just a social contract. Yet, even strong marriages can experience seasons of misunderstanding, emotional distance, or even physical separation. These breaks, if not handled well, can destroy trust and affection. But God specializes in reconciliation, and He calls couples to walk in that same spirit.

   The story of Prophet Hosea and his wife Gomer (Hosea 3:1-3) is a vivid example. Gomer abandoned Hosea, yet God commanded Hosea to love her again, symbolizing His unwavering love for His people. This narrative teaches us that reconciliation is possible—even after deep hurt—through God’s grace and intentional effort.

Below are some practical ways couples can restart healthy communication after a break, supported by Scripture and real-life wisdom.

1. BEGIN WITH PRAYER AND HUMILITY

Everything begins with God. Prayer softens hardened hearts and aligns our spirit with His will. Before you speak to your spouse, speak to God. Hosea sought God before restoring his wife, and so should we.

"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." (James 4:6)

Example: Before John called his estranged wife after six months of silence, he prayed daily for God to heal his bitterness. By the time he reached out, his tone was humble and loving, not accusatory.

2. ACKNOWLEDGE PAST HURTS WITHOUT BLAME

Healthy communication starts by addressing the elephant in the room. Pretending nothing happened deepens wounds. However, this must be done without finger-pointing. Use “I feel” statements instead of “You always” or “You never.”

"Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head—Christ." (Ephesians 4:15)

Example: Instead of saying, “You abandoned me,” say, “I felt lonely and hurt during our separation.” This opens the door for empathy rather than defense.

3. EXPRESS GENUINE FORGIVENESS

Without forgiveness, reconciliation is impossible. Colossians 3:13 says, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Forgiveness is a choice, not an emotion. You may not forget immediately, but you can release resentment today.

Example: Belema  wrote a letter to her husband after his betrayal, stating, “I choose to forgive you, not because you deserve it, but because Christ forgave me.” That broke the ice for honest conversation.

4. SPEAK WITH LOVE AND RESPECT

Words can either build bridges or walls. Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” Avoid harsh tones, sarcasm, or threats. Instead, speak words that heal and edify.

Example: When arguments arose, Timi and Ngozi agreed to pause and pray before continuing the discussion. This practice helped them choose kind words even in tense moments.

In our daily prayers we should seek a healthy appetite for God's word and the spirit of reconciliation in our homes and communities.

PRAYER : Heavenly Father forgive me of my sins against you I believe Jesus Christ died and was raised again for my salvation I receive him as lord and saviour and receive the Holy Spirit and power to overcome bitterness.

Heavenly Father, thank You for being the God of restoration. Heal our hearts from hurt, remove pride, and help us to speak with love and grace. Teach us to forgive as You forgave us. May our home be filled with peace and understanding. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

+2348035536911 email michaelbensonajayi@gmail.com

CORDIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH BETTER COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGES ( PART 4)

 Your tears of sorrow shall turn into tears of joy because of the anointing of God's favour upon you.

Good-Life Devotional: CORDIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH BETTER COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGES ( PART 4) 

By Rev Michael Benson Ajayi 

 Derogatory remarks a Husband Should Avoid Saying to His Wife for a Cordial Relationship

Colossians 4:6 'Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man." 

There is a way to answer every man according to the scriptures . We are saved by grace therefore our speeches should reflect the saving grace of our lord Jesus Christ.

 Here are more remarks that a husband should not make towards his wife and their implications.

“YOU ARE LAZY.” – Ignores her daily sacrifices and labor.

“STOP TALKING, YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING.” – Silences her voice and belittles her wisdom.

“YOU ARE A BAD MOTHER.” – Cuts at the heart of her identity.

“OTHER WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN YOU.” – Inflicts deep wounds of comparison.

“YOU DON’T SATISFY ME.” – Insensitive and dishonoring to marital intimacy.

“I DON’T NEED YOU.” – Dismisses her role as a partner.

“YOU ARE CURSED/YOU BRING ME BAD LUCK.” – Invites condemnation instead of blessing.

“YOU DISGUST ME.” – Breaks intimacy and affection.

“I WISH I NEVER MET YOU.” – The ultimate betrayal of love.

BIBLICAL EXAMPLES OF HUSBANDS WHO SPOKE WELL

 + Elkanah and Hannah (1 Samuel 1:8): When Hannah wept over barrenness, Elkanah comforted her by saying, “Am I not more to you than ten sons?” He spoke love to soothe her pain.

+  Boaz and Ruth (Ruth 2:12): Boaz blessed Ruth with words of encouragement and honor for her faithfulness. His words strengthened her heart.

+  Jesus and the Church (Ephesians 5:25-27): Christ models the perfect husband by sanctifying His bride with words of love and life, not condemnation.

POSITIVE ALTERNATIVES HUSBANDS SHOULD USE

+ Instead of “You are useless,” say: “I am blessed to have you as my partner.”

+ Instead of “I regret marrying you,” say: “You are God’s gift to me.”

+ Instead of “You are a bad mother,” say: “You are doing an amazing job with the children.”

+ Instead of “You don’t satisfy me,” say: “I cherish the intimacy we share.”

+ Instead of “Other women are better than you,” say: “You are the only one I desire.”

   A wife blossoms in an atmosphere of love and respect. Just as a wife is called to honor her husband, the husband is commanded to love his wife sacrificially. WORDS ARE SEEDS: plant encouragement, and you will harvest joy; plant insults, and you will reap strife.

   Proverbs 15:1 reminds us: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.” Therefore, let every husband learn to speak words of life, so that the marriage remains cordial, peaceful, and filled with the fragrance of Christ.

  In our daily prayers we should seek a healthy appetite for God's word and a heart of compassion. 

PRAYER: Heavenly Father forgive me of my sins against you I believe Jesus Christ died and was raised again for my salvation I receive him as lord and saviour and receive the Holy Spirit and power to forgive .

+2348035536911, email michaelbensonajayi@gmail.com

CORDIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH BETTER COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGES ( PART 3)

 Your shall not be disgraced because of the anointing of God's favour upon you.

Good-Life Devotional: CORDIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH BETTER COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGES ( PART 3) 

 Derogatory remarks a Husband Should Avoid Saying to His Wife for a Cordial Relationship

   Ephesians 5:25 – “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”

    Marriage thrives on love, honor, and mutual respect. While wives are cautioned against using careless words, husbands must also guard their tongues. A wife is a reflection of how her husband treats her. Proverbs 31:28 says, “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.”

     Words spoken by a husband can either nurture his wife into a confident, joyful woman or crush her spirit into bitterness. Just as Christ uses words of love and encouragement toward the Church, husbands are called to speak words that edify.

  Below are some derogatory things husbands must avoid saying to their wives if they desire peace, intimacy, and a cordial relationship:

    Here are some Derogatory remarks Husbands Must Avoid Saying to Their Wives

“YOU ARE TOO FAT/TOO THIN.” – Body shaming erodes her confidence.

“YOU ARE AGING BADLY.” – Insults her appearance and makes her insecure.

“YOU ARE NOT BEAUTIFUL.” – Destroys her self-esteem.

“MY MOTHER COOKS BETTER THAN YOU.” – Comparison invites resentment.

“YOU ARE JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER!” (in a negative way) – Disrespectful to her family and identity.

“YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT.” – Cancels her efforts and belittles her.

“YOU ARE TOO EMOTIONAL.” – Dismisses her feelings instead of showing empathy.

“YOU ARE A TERRIBLE WIFE.” – Labels and wounds her deeply.

“I REGRET MARRYING YOU.” – Shakes the foundation of trust.

“I SHOULD HAVE MARRIED SOMEONE ELSE.” – Plants seeds of rejection and betrayal.

“You are useless without me.” – Controlling and demeaning.

 In our daily prayers we should seek a healthy appetite for God's word and wisdom to speak with grace .

PRAYER: Heavenly Father forgive me of my sins against you I believe Jesus Christ died and was raised again for my salvation I receive him as lord and saviour and receive the Holy Spirit and power for wise self expression 

(234)8035536911 email michaelbensonajayi@gmail.com

CORDIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH BETTER COMMUNICATIONS IN MARRIAGES ( PART 2)

 Your family shall continue to enjoy unlimited provisions because of the anointing of God's favour upon you.

Good -Life Devotional: 

CORDIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH BETTER COMMUNICATIONS IN MARRIAGES  ( PART 2) 

By Rev Michael Benson Ajayi 

 Derogatory Things a Wife Should Avoid Saying to Her Husband for a Cordial Relationship

11. “I HATE YOU.”

The most destructive declaration in any marriage.

12. “YOU ARE STUPID.”

This is disrespectful and humiliating.

13. “YOU ARE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER!” (in a negative sense)

Comparing him to negative traits of his parents deepens wounds.

14. “YOU DISGUST ME.”

Breaks emotional and physical connection.

15. “I WISH YOU WERE DEAD.”

The ultimate curse. Words like this invite destruction.

16. “YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR ME.”

Dismisses every effort he has made in the past.

17. “OTHER MEN TAKE BETTER CARE OF THEIR WIVES.”

Comparisons lead to bitterness and envy.

18. “YOU ARE TOO WEAK TO LEAD.”

Discredits his God-given role and causes rebellion or withdrawal.

19. “YOU ARE A BAD FATHER.”

Criticism in this area cuts deeply and affects his confidence in parenting.

20. “I CAN LIVE WITHOUT YOU.”

Suggests he is irrelevant and not valued.

THE POWER OF EDIFYING WORDS

Instead of tearing down your husband with harsh words, choose to build him up with affirmations like:

“I BELIEVE IN YOU.”

“YOU ARE A BLESSING TO THIS FAMILY.”

“THANK YOU FOR WORKING SO HARD FOR US.”

“I RESPECT YOU AS MY HUSBAND.”

“WITH GOD’S HELP, WE WILL OVERCOME THIS TOGETHER.”

Proverbs 14:1 says, “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.” A wise wife uses words to strengthen her home, just like Zipporah chose action and life-giving words over criticism.

PRACTICAL TIPS FOR WIVES

+ PAUSE BEFORE SPEAKING: Think—will these words build or destroy?

+ SPEAK WITH GRACE: Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt.”

+ PRAY INSTEAD OF NAGGING: 1 Peter 3:1 encourages wives to win their husbands without harsh words.

+ AFFIRM EFFORT, NOT JUST SUCCESS: Celebrate progress.

+CORRECT PRIVATELY, PRAISE PUBLICLY: Never embarrass him in front of others.

Conclusion:

Your words can either be weapons of destruction or tools of construction in marriage. Learn from Zipporah—choose life, speak life, and watch your marriage flourish.

PRAYER: Heavenly Father forgive me of my sins against you I believe Jesus Christ died and was raised again for my salvation I receive him as lord and saviour and receive the Holy Spirit and power to forgive .

+2348035536911 email michaelbensonajayi@gmail.com

CORDIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH BETTER COMMUNICATIONS IN MARRIAGES ( PART 1)

 Your family shall not fall apart but wax strong in love because of the anointing of God's favour upon you.

Good -Life Devotional: 

CORDIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH BETTER COMMUNICATIONS IN MARRIAGES  ( PART 1) 

By Rev Michael Benson Ajayi 

 Derogatory Things a Wife Should Avoid Saying to Her Husband for a Cordial Relationship

 Exodus 4:24-26

"Now it happened at the lodging place that the LORD met him and sought to kill him. But Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s foreskin and touched Moses’ feet with it and said, ‘Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me.’ So He let him alone."

    Marriage is a sacred covenant where words play a significant role in shaping the atmosphere of the home. Proverbs 18:21 reminds us that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Words can either nurture love or poison intimacy.

   In Exodus 4:24-26, Moses was under divine judgment because he neglected to circumcise his son, violating God’s covenant law. At that critical moment, Zipporah acted wisely. She did not curse Moses, ridicule him, or remind him of his failure. Instead, she intervened decisively to save his life. This teaches wives the power of supportive action and respectful speech even when their husbands falter.

    Sadly, many marriages suffer because of careless or derogatory words. Below are some statements a wife should never say to her husband if she desires a loving and cordial relationship , the same rules apply to husbands too. 

1. “YOU ARE USELESS!”

This statement attacks his identity and erodes his confidence as the head of the home.

2. “YOU WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.”

Words like these kill motivation and hope. Every man needs encouragement, not condemnation.

3. “MY FATHER/BROTHER IS BETTER THAN YOU.”

Comparisons destroy intimacy and create resentment.

4. “I REGRET MARRYING YOU.”

Such words undo the commitment you made before God and tear at the foundation of trust.

5. “YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT.”

This negates his efforts and discourages progress.

6. “I SHOULD HAVE MARRIED SOMEONE ELSE.”

It’s a dagger to the heart of love and breeds insecurity.

7. “YOU ARE NOT A REAL MAN.”

Attacking his masculinity creates deep emotional wounds.

8. “YOU ARE TOO POOR TO BE MY HUSBAND.”

Insulting his financial status shames him and pushes him away.

9. “I DON’T NEED YOU.”

This devalues his role as a protector, provider, and partner.

10. “YOU ARE A FAILURE.” 

Labels like this crush his spirit and hinder his leadership.

If you have ever said any of such to your husband seek forgiveness from God and from him for the healing of your marriage ( James 5:16) and in our daily prayers we should ask for a meek spirit that is open to correction .

PRAYER: Heavenly Father forgive me of my sins against you I believe Jesus Christ died and was raised again for my salvation I receive him as lord and saviour and receive the Holy Spirit and power to love. 

+2348035536911 email michaelbensonajayi@gmail.com

SPIRITUAL SELF-SABOTAGE: THE HIDDEN BARRIER TO GOD’S WILL

 You shall not fall into the enemy's trap because of the anointing of God's favour upon you.

Good -Life Devotional: SPIRITUAL SELF-SABOTAGE: THE HIDDEN BARRIER TO GOD’S WILL

By Rev Michael Benson Ajayi 

   Many believers attribute delays and setbacks in life to demonic attacks, but often the real hindrance is spiritual self-sabotage—our failure to align with God’s will. Deuteronomy 28:1 teaches that blessings flow through the funnel of obedience, character, and alignment with God’s purpose. Victory over the enemy has already been secured through Christ’s triumph at the cross (Colossians 2:15). All things are under His feet, and by extension, under the church (Ephesians 1:20-22). Therefore, the greatest obstacle is not Satan, but our unwillingness to walk in the victory Jesus gave us.

   Proverbs 25:28 warns that lack of self-control leaves us vulnerable, like a city without walls. Seeking the world’s approval makes us enemies of God (James 4:4). Jesus reminds us in John 15:2,6 that unfruitful branches are cut off. Israel’s struggles in Judges 2:11 and Hosea 4:6 were not about enemy strength but about disobedience and ignorance. Likewise, many today are destroyed for lack of knowledge.

   Spiritual maturity requires discipline—training the senses to discern good and evil (Hebrews 5:14). It calls for crucifying the flesh and walking in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16), rather than living for worldly applause. Our greatest prayer should be for grace to obey, because obedience attracts God’s blessing (Deuteronomy 28:15).

   True victory is not in rebuking external forces alone but in submitting to God’s will daily. When we align with Him, the blessings promised in His Word will manifest, and no enemy can prevail.

 In our daily prayers we should seek a healthy appetite for God's word and a repentant and sensitive heart .

PRAYER; Heavenly Father forgive me of my sins against you I believe Jesus Christ died and was raised again for my salvation I receive him as lord and saviour and receive the Holy Spirit and power to overcome temptation. 

+2348035536911 email michaelbensonajayi@gmail.com